Regarding SB1456
Sent March 12, 2021
Dear Arizona Daily Star; Senators Jamescita Peshlakai, Victoria Steele and Sally Ann Gonzales; and Representatives Andrés Cano and Alma Hernandez—
I have sent the following to the P. O. box of Senator Nancy Barto, and I’m certain it will be shredded shortly after one of her aides reads the word ‘agender.’ However, if you wish to use it for any of your own purposes, even to hand it around the office for a laugh, you are welcome to do so.
Somehow, I don’t think our Republican friends have considered just how radical a change removing any discussion of gender identity, gender expression or sexuality (outside of sex education, with an opt-in) from school would be. Cisgender is a gender identity (as in “I am a boy and it says so on my birth certificate.”) and heterosexuality (as in “My mom and dad said I needed to do my homework first.”) is sexuality. Age-appropriate information necessary to keep children safe, such as where adults are not allowed to touch you and what to do if it happens to you or a friend also comes under the heading of “sex education,” or at least it did when I was learning to teach preschool. As for gender expression, that includes everything from outfits and hairstyles to toys, cartoons and playground equipment — not to mention separate bathrooms and locker rooms, and who uses which one.
I don’t know if you’re familiar with X: A Fabulous Child’s Story, which I read once in grade school and again in college for a sociology class. If SB1456 should happen to be codified into law and enforced fairly, not only will all the schoolchildren be Xes, but every creature in their learning material should be an X, and they ought to X-out any creature they even mention in school, including parents and cartoon puppies. That would be Xtremely Xpensive! Not to mention darn near impossible to enforce, which is why we know this new provision is not meant to be enforced fairly.
Senators, I know this bill has passed the Senate as written, but if it should return with changes like a bad kielbasa, I hope you can find some way to tamp it back down.
I appreciate your work, and a lot of kids (like I once was) will be just a little bit safer if we can confine this abomination of a law to the fever dreams of conservatives where it belongs.
Regards,
LF
[The above cover letter differs slightly from the print copy I sent to the AZ Daily Star, edited for a misspelling and clarity, because my printer doesn’t work very well (boy, they never do, do they?) and I can’t produce a corrected copy in ink. The below is CC’d to you as sent, with only the loss of my chicken-scratch signature.]
Dear Senator Barto,
As an agender, nonbinary Arizona resident, let me just take a few minutes to thank you for introducing your revolutionary new concept in education, SB1456! You should be really proud of yourself! It would never have occurred to me, a dedicated social deviant, to unilaterally erase all gender identity and sexual orientation from Arizona’s schoolchildren and all who associate with them until 5th grade, and then only allow it with parental permission. I see you have taken Louise Gold’s radical fable of gender identity, X: A Fabulous Child’s Story, to heart. You’ve decided to repeat the experiment in reality, writ large, with mandatory participation! My goodness, you and your fellow Republicans are certainly going to have your work cut out for you.
I look forward to the total revamp of educational materials, including the censure of such discriminatory terms as ‘boy,’ ‘girl,’ ‘brother,’ ‘sister,’ ‘mother’ and ‘father,’ and any superficial expression of gender identity such as dresses, hairstyles, colors (pink/blue), or facial hair. ‘Child,’ ‘sibling’ and ‘parent’ will be quite good enough! (May I suggest a further bill advocating a return of corporal punishment in schools to correct any misuse of the language? Just a happy thought!) Perhaps we should reduce that even further to ‘caretaker’ or ‘roommate,’ so as to avoid the implication that smaller people come out of larger people in any way. Of course, the delicate little angels will need to be provided with gender neutral clothing and appearances, and learn to use the singular ‘they/them’ as pronouns for everyone. I am certain these standards will be strictly enforced to preserve the mental health of our most vulnerable citizens.
I know how damaging it is to be told you are something you are not, so it’s very nice of you to enforce this draconian and surely very expensive measure to prevent educators from biasing the children until they’re old enough to make up their own minds. I wasn’t secure in my identity until I was nearly forty, so 5th grade may still be a little early to offer them a choice. I’m sure anything later would be really tough to get past the Democrats! Baby steps! I’m totally sure a child is in no way qualified to declare whether they are a boy or a girl or whatever before age eleven or so. Gender identity is really complicated and it’s easy for the little ones to get confused, or pressured by their ‘roommates.’ Thank you for laying down your political credibility to prevent them from being introduced to the idea of a gender binary for as long as possible. Perhaps a few more of them will decide they belong in the ‘whatever’ camp and I’ll make some new friends!
Of course, there would be little point to applying these protections only to adults and children who have a gender identity or sexual orientation that seems ‘odd.’ If you don’t clamp down on it entirely, the children are going to realize they have differences, and begin comparing themselves in a misguided attempt to figure out who they are. I assure you, once you let them call themselves ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ or fool around with the idea that humans can develop a romantic attachment and produce children, they will begin to consider their preferences and they can be very obstinate. They might even decide they want to grow up and marry a ‘boy’ or a ‘girl.’ They are far too impressionable to make that decision! No, you are correct, the best way to prevent that is to protect them from all knowledge of gender and sexuality. That is the ultimate purpose of school: to stop children from asking questions, learning things, and growing all willy-nilly. Children who find it easy to urinate while standing up should merely be told they have a special talent, like being able to wiggle their ears.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate what you’re doing for the agender community. It’s going to feel just like we’re the majority! I suppose some of the little moppets might balk at being forced to behave in ways contrary to their perceived ‘identity,’ like I once did, but I don’t doubt all of them will come to enjoy being crammed into a government-enforced straitjacket for ten or more years of their lives that they will never get back, with minimal increase of the suicide rate. I just need to suppress that, whaddyacallit? ‘Empathy for the suffering of others?’ ‘Common sense?’ ‘Christian values?’ Whatever you want to call that tiny voice in your mind, which is screaming that this is a terrible idea born from an assumption that laws only apply to certain people. Aw, who needs it!
Anyway, thanks for letting us all know loud and clear that being a Republican is all about spending obscene amounts of tax dollars to turn our cherished school system into indoctrination camps for a radical agenda. It’s not government overreach if it’s for the children! I’ll be sure to remember it every November henceforward, and I’ll tell everyone I know!
Yours, gender-neutrally,
LF