The Gods I Know, I Know

The Daves I Know

These are the gods we know, we know
These are the gods we know.
These are the gods we know we know
These are the gods we know.
Auntie Enora, she heals the sick
She makes perfect medicine and she chain smokes cigarettes.
Lame Anthony, he likes broken stuff.
He’s got something wrong with him, so holding him is really tough.
Some of them are saints or fairies...
"But most of us are gods."
They all like to make deals
But they all want different things.
Cousin Violet, man that girl is mean.
She thinks that she’s funny and she messes with causality.
Baron Yowie, we hardly know him...
"We are the gods you know you know,
We are the gods you know.
We are the gods you know you know,
We are the gods you know.
Some of us are saints or fairies, but most of us are gods.
We all like to make deals but we all want different things."
These are the gods I know I know
"We are the gods you know you know"
These are the...
"GODS!"

Here is a list of known Invisibles that have appeared/will appear in Tin Soldier and some of their defining characteristics, organized alphabetically. It is subject to additions as we meet more of them and as I remember some I’ve forgotten.

Auntie Enora

• Description: An elderly black woman in a zippered floral bathrobe with tinted blue hair and floppy slippers.
• Personality: Honest and Caring.
• Speciality: Healing. She makes medicine that cures all disease, although curing physical effects and preventing relapses is more difficult. She is capable of making people calm down and accept her care by touching them and replaying their memories of when others took care of them.
• Wants: Black Coffee and Mentholated Cigarettes.
• Power Level: 8
• Difficulty Level: 10 — extremely heavy, often stays for a long time and does not eat or sleep.
• Trivia: Appearance based on the author’s idea of who would be the nicest possible person to take care of you when you’re sick and childhood memories of Ezra Jack Keats books. Named after Karl Pilkington’s absent-minded aunt. Erik learned how to do a version of her memory trick from her — the god, not Karl’s aunt.

Baron Yowie

Beauty

• Description: Refuses to give one. It answers to ‘Beauty’ in any language, but the name is derived from its dazed victims/offerings who often say, “You’re beautiful.”
• Personality: Silent and Cold.
• Speciality: Healing, but only the body it’s occupying. It doesn’t fix scars, or any damage that has already healed, no matter how poorly.
• Wants: Sleep or Sex.
• Power Level: 7 — it only does one thing, but it approaches Doctor Beetle in its ability to put damaged people back together, provided you call it in time.
• Difficulty Level: 9 — because it doesn’t communicate, it’s difficult to know the nature of the deal one makes. It may assault your friends and drag you along for the ride, or it may put you peacefully to sleep but never wake you up. Or you may just have a nap from a few hours to a few days and wake up fine.
• Trivia: The coma and the consent violation from the original Sleeping Beauty story, which ends with our protagonist being woken by the children she bore while asleep. A thorny ethical problem for any innate magic-user who needs healing right now. It is not possible for the parties involved to consent to intimacy, as Beauty seems to override the ability to feel any violation, even after it leaves. This prevents any relationship damage between the parties involved, but others who know what happened may feel pretty darn uncomfortable. Sex with mere mortals can feel like a bit of a letdown after one has banged a god too. A host (but not a victim) which Beauty has used for sex will be affected for hours or days after it leaves, resulting in inappropriate behavior that they have little control over. The problem appears to be hormonal in nature and can only be remedied with time. It’s best to isolate them and let the damage work its way out of their system, lest they assault someone or get assaulted while in an altered state. It’s possible that some of Beauty’s hosts who claim they asked for sleep but got sex instead really did make a deal for sex; when alone in the abode of the gods, zero-conset sex may seem more attractive than a slight chance of never waking up from a coma. But that’s between them and Beauty, and Beauty isn’t talking.

Commander Taggart

• Description: A caricature of a military officer with a black uniform, gold epaulets, and inhuman proportions. His torso is drawn as an inverted triangle to make room for medals of multiple nationalities and eras. His face is only a shadowed suggestion, he cares more about the medals. 
• Personality: Jovial and Paternal
• Speciality: Military Tactics and Strategy, but he’ll do anything requiring an application of logic.
• Wants: Injected Heroin. He will only work as long as the high lasts.
• Power Level: 7
• Difficulty Level: 5 — easy to hold, easy to pay, it’s just when he leaves that you might have a problem.
• Trivia: Name was originally a placeholder I associated with the military for some reason, and I forgot to change it before publishing so now it’s canon. Turns out it’s from Galaxy Quest. I missed the actual character from Galaxy Quest who was supposed to have a drug addiction before it got edited out by thaaat much! Well, Cousin Violet has a sense of humor.

Cousin Violet

• Description: A little girl about five years old. She is all white, even her eyes — which are blank like a statue’s. She wears a Victorian girl’s outfit, including shoes with heels and buttons and a big bow in her hair.
• Personality: Devious and Childish.
• Speciality: Narrative Causality. She knows the past, present and future, and she sometimes makes edits. She only pretends to be unable to focus. Really, she tells people exactly what she wants to and no more.
• Wants: Milk and Cereal.
• Power Level: ?? Her domain is causality and as such she may be the most powerful being in the universe, or just an amused spectator.
• Difficulty Level: 1 — so light she’s a byword for being easy to hold.
• Trivia: My author avatar, she knows everything I do, including that she exists in a web serial. She likes cereal/serial. These are the jokes, folks!

Dayashri

• Description: A blue woman in a sari with bangles and heavy eye makeup. She may be drawn with the whole head of an elephant or just the trunk. She holds a calligraphy brush that was made from her tail, and a red lotus.
• Personality: Kind and Compassionate.
• Speciality: Removing Obstacles. Often helps people without being seen or needing to be called.
• Wants: Milk, and Something Sweet. She has adapted with the times and will work for milkshakes.
• Power Level: 5
• Difficulty Level: 7 — light, but she won’t inhabit people she considers unkind, claiming it hurts.
• Trivia: Combination Ganesh and the Virgin Mary with the serial numbers filed off.

Dennis the Drunkard (Saint Dennis)

• Description: A dude who obviously likes malt alcohol. Depending on era, this can range from a fat friar with a tonsure to a dudebro with a popped collar and a Lime-a-Rita (or the equivalent). Consistently, he has dark hair and is smiling and toasting you, often with empty bottles or a keg nearby.
• Personality: Woo!
• Speciality: Unity and Peace, and whatever is required to get there. Saint Dennis is the ultimate party planner. Lasting peace may be beyond him, or beyond the capacity of his hosts to endure him, but Yuletide truces and sudden outbreaks of human decency are his domain.
• Wants: Alcohol and Snacks. He prefers beer or beer-derivatives, and he will snork up just about any snack food by the handful. He will only stop consuming if he is talking, and sometimes not even then.
• Power Level: 4 — he’s good at what he does, but a bangin’ party is not always useful. Clearly he means well.
• Difficulty Level: 6 — the binge eating and drinking takes a toll when he leaves. Vomit is certain.
• Trivia: Dionysus with a hint of Friar Tuck and Father Mulcahy from M*A*S*H. His maenads are kindly and call themselves painted nuns. They bear a resemblance to the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, but dress a bit more practically — except on high holidays. The painted nuns in San Rosille operate a brewery, apiary, shelter and orphanage in the countryside. It’s a nice place, but space is limited and the sisters are spread a bit thin. When they venture into the city they donate their time to various charities and bring beer and honey-wheat bread for any unfortunates they meet. They supply the Black Orchid with grain alcohol and cosmetics. The club’s founders adopted their son from the painted nuns during the war. Hyacinth directs unwed mothers their way, but tries to call ahead to make sure they have room.

Doctor Beetle

• Description: A human-sized black beetle wearing a waistcoat and top hat. He has a Cajun accent.
• Personality: Cheerful and Bombastic.
• Speciality: Replacing Missing Pieces. Works on both people and objects, even if you don’t have the pieces, but he won’t add anything that doesn’t belong — subject to his discretion.
• Wants: Strychnine.
• Power Level: 8
• Difficulty Level: 5 — not very hard to hold, but inadvisable to do so without someone to help you deal with the poison after he leaves.
• Trivia: A joke character invented by my S/O upon having the concept of Invisibles explained. When informed that a god might demand to drink poison, he began happily bellowing “STRYCHNINE!” in that accent. We came up with a god who would sound like that and what he would look like and do. Technically my S/O’s avatar, he and Violet are friends.

Esmerelda Virgo

• Description: An elderly woman with her hair pulled back in a no-nonsense bun, she favors black lace dresses with green or purple accents and sensible boots.
• Personality: Straightforward and Stern.
• Speciality: Technical Magic and Problem Solving. If she can give you a solution that does not involve magic, she will.
• Wants: Tea with Honey, but she will negotiate for the right person.
• Power Level: 9
• Difficulty Level: 7 — of average weight, but she will not do anything she believes is wrong. You are free to argue your case, but if she doesn’t buy it she will not help you.
• Trivia: Granny Weatherwax given god status. The other weird sisters are probably out there somewhere too.

Harindravara

• Description: A blue human of indeterminate gender with a complicated hairstyle and arms varying from four to one thousand, they also have a varying number of eyes — always at least four. Features and attire are usually Atrian (Asian) but vary depending on the country. May be drawn in different colors depending on aspect. Khadiravani is green. Dhavala is white. Often pictured with the sun and moon, which are said to be made from two of their eyes
• Personality: Varies depending on aspect. Khadiravani is Shy and Kind. Dhavala is Enthusiastic and Sweet.
• Speciality: Varies depending on aspect. Khadiravani is more of a Caretaker. Dhavala does Growth and Regeneration, usually of crops.
• Wants: Varies depending on aspect. Each aspect does have a prefered payment or offering and sticks to it. Khadiravani likes flowers, preferring to be surrounded by them, but they would like at least one. Potpourri will do in a pinch. Dhavala also likes flowers, but she prefers creme-filled chocolates as an offering.
• Power Level: Varies. Khadiravani is about a 2. Dhavala is a 4.
• Difficulty Level: Varies. Khadiravani is a 3. Dhavala is a 2.
• Trivia: Many Atrian cultures believe the Invisibles can incarnate, becoming human for a lifetime instead of just inhabiting one for a little while. The logical result is a god with a kajillion personalities, one for every lifetime. Your mileage may vary as to whether the god/s are telling the truth about this, but Harindravara prefers to be treated as one being, whatever their origins. Each aspect has its own preferred pronouns and personality, and all of them together are ‘they.’ Milo and Ann are thrilled with this god.

Hester Carthage of the Hearth

• Description: A fat woman with vast white arms. She wears Puritanical garb with a brown dress, white apron and white bonnet.
• Personality: Prim and Maternal.
• Speciality: Household Tasks and Protection. Keep her happy and she will clean unruly Invisibles out of your home.
• Wants: Bread and Butter, preferably fresh.
• Power Level: 2 — fairly powerful in her limited domain but she can only exist in a place people call home.
• Difficulty Level: 2
• Trivia: Hestia of the Hearth moved to Hester Prynne’s time period. We do love our puns. She is protective of Erik. South Hestia is named in her honor.

Incision

• Description: An Emo-teen wearing all black with huge eyes.
• Personality: Jaded and Serious.
• Speciality: Chemistry and the Brain. She is not a healer but a modifier, claiming that putting things back the way they were is boring. She doesn’t change memory or personality, but she does change how the organ itself works, including how it regulates the rest of the body. If you’d like some depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, autism spectrum disorder, or any other atypical states installed, modified or traded she can do that. But she doesn’t do ‘normal.’ She won’t remove what she’s done unless she’s installing something else, and she can do a lot of damage to a person’s mental health and identity if used maliciously.
• Wants: To Cut Herself (Her Ride).
• Power Level: 6
• Difficulty Level: 4
• Trivia: Invented to make divinely-assisted sex changes possible, as Doctor Beetle is only able to put back a trans-person’s missing pieces. It had to be someone who was too horrifying for Erik to call, or else the story would’ve become about a little boy who walks the earth doing free gender reassignments for nice people. She can alter the function of your brain and hormone levels to suit your gender identity, or alter your gender identity to suit your body, or so it doesn’t suit your body, or switch up your sexuality, or give you the brain of a dog — whatever you (or the person pointing her at you!) would like as long as it’s different. Pixar’s Out, would’ve had a tragic ending if she’d been in charge of it. On the other hand, it would be truly hilarious to point her at those people who say they identify as an attack helicopter or a monkey. Oh, really?

Iron John

• Description: A knee-high, pitch black little man wearing a blacksmith’s outfit that is about a century out of date.
• Personality: Helpful and Irascible.
• Speciality: Household Tasks and Protection.
• Wants: Porridge with a Pat of Butter on Top (Preferably Fortified), or Any Edible Metal.
• Power Level: 2
• Difficulty Level: 3
• Trivia: Tin Soldier’s version of a tomte, or nondenominational house fairy. He is not a species but one person with multiple existences in multiple places. He likes to sit in the oven. If heard crying, a death in the household is imminent. He is protective of Erik.

Lady White

• Description: A dark-haired woman dressed in men’s clothing with red and white accents, her right sleeve is folded and pinned up as she is missing an arm. People in Wakoku interpret her outfit as a striped hakama, but other cultures have their own variations. She will object to depictions that render her clothing as too feminine or her body as too masculine, and you may not draw her with both arms. She often has a brace of flintlock pistols, but does not carry ammunition.
• Personality: Aristocratic and Composed.
• Speciality: Ballistics. She is firm that she will never kill again, but if you have a gun she will provide everything else you need to kill people, including ammunition, gunpowder, repairs and training. She is quite a good teacher and hits her targets every time.
• Wants: To Eat Arsenic. She seems to enjoy the sensations, but she also makes philosophical statements which relate the art of warfare to the consumption of poison.
• Power Level: 6 — she is good at one thing, but multiple aspects of that one thing. Slightly above average for an Invisible.
• Difficulty Level: 5 — she doesn’t take enough poison to kill, but repeated use will have adverse health effects. She treats the right arm of her host, if they have one, as immobile and numb, which can cause injuries. She has been known to choose sides and refuse to help, but she seems to believe the best way to get people to stop fighting is to let them do it until they get sick of it.
• Trivia: The embodiment of the Lady of War trope, with a jaded pacifist chaser. I picture her as Lady Eboshi post Princess Mononoke, with a lot of hard lessons learned.

Lame Anthony

• Description: A thin man with a crooked stance and light-colored hair. Either depicted in Medieval peasant garb or frayed jeans and a T-shirt — with varying accuracy as ‘jeans’ do not yet exist in their modern incarnation and T-shirts are considered underwear. He does not wear shoes.
• Personality: Hyperfocused Space Cadet.
• Speciality: Protector of Broken Things. Uncertain how much he’s actually able to do.
• Wants: To Admire Anything Broken. The best offerings to Lame Anthony are still in use and have a unique new function due to their brokenness.
• Power Level: +/- 0 — he is an Invisible, but there is something wrong with him which may or may not make it impossible for him to do anything. At the very least it is hard for him to do things.
• Difficulty Level: 11 — damn near impossible to hold, unable to stay long enough to take any action in a human body, beyond speaking a few words.
• Trivia: Even the gods aren’t perfect. Lame Anthony is here to raise questions about just what the hell it means to exist as an Invisible. If they’re not defined by their ability to do things, then what are they? In any case, he seems to be a happy transcendental being and Hyacinth’s house is basically his church. He is protective of Erik, but he may not be able to do much to help anyone.

Leslie Bowman (Saint Leslie)

• Description: A magnificent bare-breasted centaur woman with a bow and arrows, she wears her blonde hair in braids to keep it out of her face when hunting. She is often surrounded by color-coded binders with tabs.
• Personality: Perky Steamroller.
• Speciality: Municipal Work. She is capable of any government work, but she prefers to keep it local.
• Wants: Waffles with Whipped Cream. She will order and consume other breakfast foods and toppings, but you must keep the waffles and whipped cream coming. She won’t leave if you run out of waffles, but she gets cranky and erratic. You do not need to provide binders, she summons her own.
• Power Level: 6 — she does one thing, but she does it perfectly and she does not quit.
• Difficulty Level: 8 — because she doesn’t quit she will run a person ragged, and she is prone to fits of temper. When obedience to the law conflicts with her idealism and purpose, expect fireworks. She does not handle failure or a lack of waffles well.
• Trivia: I like Parks and Rec. Leslie Knope appears as a centaur goddess because of her fondness for Jerry’s painting. Saint Leslie sometimes references her coworkers/friends, who are assumed to be lesser aspects or other gods. ‘Roan,’ is considered a fellow centaur and powerful adversary, but more of a Devil’s Advocate than a literal devil. Sometimes they are worshipped as a pair, with Roan as a creator deity and Leslie the manager of his creation. The Temple of Leslie Bowman notarizes people and helps them file paperwork. When inhabiting a human host, Saint Lesilie often complains that it feels like her butt has fallen off, and she is clumsy on two legs.

Mad Bartholomew

• Description: He has combed-back shoulder-length dark hair and a droopy moustache, and styles himself as a stereotypical stage magician — known as a slight-of-hand artist in Tin Soldier. He wears a tuxedo with tails, a black cape with a red satin lining, a top hat and shiny shoes with spats.
• Personality: Impeccably Polite Showman.
• Speciality: Transformative Magic. But he will do anything that is technical and impressive.
• Wants: A Drink of Absinthe. Like Solange and many other Invisibles, he will work for a single portion but if you show him the whole thing he’ll have the whole thing. Thus, a “Drink” may be the whole bottle. He is also fond of musical theater but hasn’t been known to make deals to view it.
• Power Level: 7
• Difficulty Level: 3 — easy to hold and easy to pay, if you’re smart about it.
• Trivia: Based his appearance on Vlad Tepes, but he is neither a nobleman nor a vampire. He claims to be the historical figure, who died and apotheosed. The human Mad Bartholomew was the Gregor Mendel of living tissue manipulation, but instead of pea plants he took to using dogs and this rather upset his patrons. “Bartholomew’s dogs” is used to refer to things that are really messed up. “Going to the dogs” also has this context in Tin Soldier.

The Man Joshua

• Description: Has long dark hair, Midwestern (Mideastern, to us) features and favors a robe and comfortable walking sandals. Sometimes depicted with a shepherd’s staff.
• Personality: Kind and Compassionate but Moody.
• Speciality: Transformative Magic and Healing? — by legend only.
• Wants: To Be Left Alone. He doesn’t talk to people anymore or make deals.
• Power Level: 10 — but only according to legend.
• Difficulty Level: ??
• Trivia: If I’m going to plunder Eastern and Classical religions for gods, this is only fair. Tin Soldier’s version of Jesus seems to have gotten fed up with his followers somewhere early in recorded history and stopped encouraging them. This has had little effect on their enthusiasm and seems to have made them even more zealous, since now they can assume he approves of whatever they do without fear of correction. There are theories that Joshua is a myth, a god who never was. There are also theories he was a colored person, which would make his abilities in life a bit less impressive. The equivalents of other prophets of Abrahamic religions who did not claim divinity (such as Moses or Muhammed) were almost certainly colored people, or else claimed to communicate with gods on some other basis. If they were Invisibles incarnated, or became Invisibles upon death, they would be known for some talent other than talking to gods — possibly teaching, battle, politics, raising the sea bed, or some combination thereof. Miriam is considered to be Joshua’s mother or wife, depending on the sect, but she is not treated as a god and also not known to interact with people.

Saint George

• Description: A small, white-haired man with a pointed beard. He wears simple black clothing and appears to be somewhere in his fifties through his seventies.
• Personality: Cynical and Derisive.
• Speciality: Killing People. He will request a number before making a deal and he will kill exactly that many before leaving — whether they’re the people you wanted him to kill or not.
• Wants: A Shot and a Cigarette. The shot of liquor is for before, and he tucks the cigarette behind his ear for after while he works.
• Power Level: 5 — good at one thing, but that’s all he does. Average for an Invisible.
• Difficulty Level: 3 — easy to hold, easy to pay, possible psychological trauma in the aftermath.
• Trivia: If George Carlin were a god, he’d probably kill people. Saint George gives less than a shit about the sanctity of life. He had a close relationship with Erik’s mother and is eagerly awaiting Erik to be mature enough to realize some people need to die. If he is the one involved with the dragons, somebody probably called him up and said, “All of ‘em.” But this is speculation.

Solange

• Description: A thin woman with a haunted expression, she wears a glittery white evening gown and black opera gloves.
• Personality: Vague and Disquieting.
• Speciality: Finding Death. She can tell you if anyone is going to die in a given place in a given period of time, and how many deaths. Useful for avoiding bombings and mass murders, not so much for choosing a hospital.
• Wants: Warm Chocolate Cake with Frosting. Like Mad Bartholomew and many other Invisibles, she will work for a single portion but if you show her the whole thing she’ll have the whole thing.
• Power Level: 5 — good at one thing, but that’s all she does. Average for an Invisible.
• Difficulty Level: 2
• Trivia: What Have You Done to Solange? is a giallo. I like the name and it seems like any Solange should know a lot about death.

Titania, Queen of the Fae

• Description: Your traditional fairy, being human-sized, but with gossamer wings, a glittery gown and a crown. Her hair may be any pastel shade, blonde or white, with more glitter in it. Her skin color is variable. She does not bother with a wand, but she may be surrounded by butterflies, flowers, stars or all three.
• Personality: Vicious and Imperial.
• Speciality: Creative Curses and Revenge.
• Wants: White cake with milk or tea and fruit. She has also been known to ask for a child, but it is not known if she’s ever been given one or what she’d do with it/did with it.
• Power Level: 8
• Difficulty Level: 5 — not hard to hold but hard to control, she tends to escalate, especially if her husband is involved. Their feuds are legendary and are said to have destroyed several colored communities. Calling her is not recommended.
• Trivia: David Valentine liked to dress as her and had a series of costumes over the course of his life, culminating in one with green paint, an electric dress and magic paper butterflies. It is possible she found him amusing, and it is possible she arranged for his painful death. One does not preclude the other. She calls herself after the character in the play, not the other way around.